


Not Good Enough

by graces101



Series: Sterek's Story [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Overdosing, Suicide Attempt, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 11:53:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2651060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graces101/pseuds/graces101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is in love with Derek, but there is one problem, Stiles is deeply depressed and believes no one could ever love him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This story is my first ever FanFiction. Stiles is based on myself and I wrote this to get my feelings out. I hope you like it.

It's was in the summer and were all were gathered in Derek's newly refurbished house. I'm the only one standing while Alison, Lydia, Jackson, Isaac and Danny where sitting on the sofa with a surprised look on their faces. My best friend Scoot was laughing his ass off and Derek well... Was being Derek and was probably not listening sitting in his chair opposite the sofa. Scott might of thought I was joking but then he realized that it was no joke I was being serious.

"What?" Scott said, surprised about what I said.

"I'm leaving the pack" I announced for a second time, wondering how everyone is going to react.

"That's not funny, Stiles", Lydia said with a panicked look on her face.

"So not funny", Isaac said looking very angry.

"It's not supposed to be, I'm being serious" I said trying not to stare at Derek who's eyed turned red and who's face just looked like he had been punched.

"WHY?" Said Alison looking at Scott, no doubt worrying about how it would affect her boyfriend, my best friend Scott if I left the pack.

"I'm just too busy what with revising for exams, practicing for the lacrosse try-out and with looking after my dad"

Lie

"I don't have time for pack stuff at the moment" I said hoping they would believe me.

"Bullshit" I heard Derek say in a whisper to himself "I'm going for a run" said Derek rushing quickly out of the room and out of the front door.

"What's up with him?" I said trying to keep myself relaxed. Oh shit what if they can hear my heart and know that I'm lying.

"No idea" Jackson said rushing out the door after him.

"Well anyway I've got to get home and make dinner for my dad… it's been fun" I said hoping no one would say anything else about it as I walked out the door, "oh and say goodbye to Sourwolf for me".

I was walking towards my jeep, or I should say almost running trying to get out of there before they realized I was lying about why I was really leaving the pack. But of course I couldn't tell them the really reason for leaving the pack because they wouldn't understand. I left the pack because I'm not good enough for them. I'm a skinny, dumb idiot with ADHD and I'm annoying. I don't deserve to be in the pack and not good enough to be friends with them or to have any friends at all.

When I got home, I went straight upstairs and wrote in my journal. I write everything in my journal including my thoughts and feelings and I left my phone downstairs so no one would be able to contact me. I got into bed and spent about an hour thinking about how much better the world would be If I wasn't in it. I hoped I would have the same dream that I have every night, the dream where I'm not me but I'm actually someone worthy of life and deserves to have Scott, Allison, Isaac and everyone else as friends and deserve to be with the secret love of my life,

Derek.

* * *

 

 

 

The summer sun was sneaking through my window and waking me up, I looked at my alarm clock, it was on 5.30am. Unable to go back to sleep I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth. One more 24 hour day. You got through yesterday, you can get through today, I said to myself. I quickly get changed, took my Adderall and grab my school bag, the keys to the jeep and out the door I went. I would usually have breakfast but I want to get to school before Scott shows up to give me a ride to school because I don't want to face him after yesterday.

I decide to drive around for a bit before coming into school so that no one from the pack has time to talk to me before homeroom. I won't have to do this forever because the pack will soon realize that they are better off without me.

I purposely sat at a desk at the front of the classroom, the one closes to the door so that Allison, Jackson and Lydia couldn't speak to me but they still tried to get my attention but I ignored them. As soon as the bell went I was out of there like a shot and practically ran to 1st period so they couldn't catch me up. None of the pack was in any of my classes so I was safe to relax but I still had to purposely get lunch time detention to avoid them but I had Mr Harris 4th period so that wasn't a problem, he's a prick that has it in for me.

I decided to leave straight after lunch so the pack couldn't catch me at the end of the day but I knew I couldn't keep avoiding them for long.

xxxxx

"Stiles, open up" A familiar voice said from outside, it was Scott

"we need to talk to you", Allison said.

I looked out of the window quickly and saw that the whole pack was out there, well apart from Derek and Jackson, which actually made me quite sad because I could have done with hearing Derek's deep, manly voice and seeing the little smile that he does every time I see him, he tries to hide it but I always notice it but he was nowhere to be seen.

"We know you're in there" Lydia said with an angry tone. I slipped out of the back door and ran to the station hoping they couldn't follow my sent.

"What are you doing here?", said my dad with a surprised look on his face.

"I'm bringing you dinner" I said holding up the take away I got quickly before going there.

"Thanks, are you going to eat with me"

Honestly I was so unhappy, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry until I was fresh out of tears. "Sure"

I ending up staying until his shift was over, the pack couldn't talk about pack stuff in front of my dad, even though he knew about the pack, Derek forbid talking about pack stuff in front of anyone else.

xxxxx

"Good night, dad" I said wanting to go to bed, it had been a hard day trying to avoid the pack all the time.

"Good night stiles" dad said "wait"

"Yeah?"

"You know you could talk to me about anything right, I love you" dad said with a serious look on his face.

"I know thanks dad, love you too" I said almost in tears knowing that he must be lying because no could love me, I'm just a waist of space.

I turned my phone on that I purposely left at home and I had 36 messages, 41 missed calls and 19 voice mails. I wrote about my day in my journal. I know they will soon realize that they are better off without me, hell they will soon realize that the world would be better off without me and rip my throat out with their teeth, we'll at least that will save me the trouble of ending my life myself. For ages I heard Scott and surprisingly Jackson knocking on my window that I locked so they couldn't get in. I just drifted into a deep sleep just hoping the world would go away.

I have looked online about how I feel and maybe I do have depression or some kind of mental disease that makes me hate myself but all would require concealing and/or tablets and honestly I'm not worth the trouble.

Again I woke up early and headed out but I felt too depressed to go to school so I just drove around all day and got home really late.

And of course I heard knocking at my window while I tried to sleep, this time it was Scott and Isaac.

"Come on stiles let us in" said. Scott sounding desperate.

"We need to talk to you" said Isaac.

They next thing they said sent my blood running cold

"It's about Derek, he's still missing from days ago"

 

* * *

 

 

 

Sourwolf is missing, I'm worried which is understandable, I'm always worried about Derek, I love him but why are they so worried he sometimes goes missing weeks at a time.

"What do mean he's still missing?" I said unlocking the window so they can climb in

"Derek is gone, we can't find him" said Scott with a desperate look on his face.

"He's probably just gone somewhere to relax for a few days, he will probably be back in a week" I said hoping what I said is true.

"It's not like any other time he's gone" Isaac said

"How do you know?" I said crossing my arms

"We just do stiles, you have to trust us! Please come help look" Scott said.

I still don't see what the big deal but I know there are up to something and I want to know what that is so I decided to follow them.

"We're here" Scott said nervously.

We were outside the Burnt out Hale house "what are we doing here?" I said.

"We need to figure out who's going to search where" Isaac said

"If the whole pack is looking then you don't need me" I said hoping they would agree and leave me alone.

"WE DO... Um.. I mean you know Derek better than any of us, you will help loads" Scott said trying to get me inside the house.

This is my chance, "I'll help on one condition, you stop trying to make me re-join the pack and we never speak again" I said holding back the tears in my eyes. I didn't want that but my friends deserve better than me.

"Deal" they said in unison. My heart just broke.

I strolled through the front door to find the whole pack sitting in the front room. Allison who's eyes light up when she saw Scott, Lydia who ran up and gave me a hug when I walked in, Danny was smiling but I don't think he was smiling at me, I think he's got a thing for Isaac, Jackson who looked as bored as ever and Derek doing that little smile that he thinks no one can see. WAIT DEREK!

"DEREK!, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

"I'm sorry but we had to get you here somehow, sit down" said Lydia.

I knew they were up to something going on.

"Stiles we know the really reason why you left the pack" Lydia said touching me on the shoulder.

"So before we reveal the reason, I suggest that we all go around the room and reveal one of our secrets first to make it more comfortable, is that okay?"

Everyone nodded.

"I'll start" Alison said, "I wake up afraid that Kate will come back and kill you lot and kill me for being part of the pack.

"I'm in love with someone in this room but I'm not going to say the name because I know that they don't love me back" Danny said looking at the floor.

Am I the only one who has figured out that it's Isaac, I look around the room, shit I am.

"I'm afraid that one day soon I'm going to detect the future death of someone I love and can't do anything about it" Lydia said with almost tears in her eyes.

"Even though I don't act or say it, I am really happy to be in this pack" said Jackson, which sent everyone in to laughter

"I'm also in love with someone in this room but like Danny I'm not going to say who because I know they don't like me that way" Isaac said.

OMG Danny and Isaac like each other, I knew it all along.

"I'm afraid that someday in the future everyone that I love is going to die and I'll be left alone, now before you say anything Derek we know your secret and stiles secret" Scott said.

"Stiles we know that you like like Derek and that's why you quit the pack because you think that he won't feel the same about you but we know that Derek likes likes you to" Alison said.

"Shut up, stop being so ridiculous" I said know I was lying; I was in love with Derek.

"We're not, we see the way you two look at each other and the way both your hearts skip a beat when you touch and beat faster when one of you enter the room and ..."

"That's a load of bullshit" I said interrupting Scott "Now if you'll excuse me, we made a deal, none of you have to speak to me again, goodbye" I said exiting the house and going to my Jeep. "Oh and by the way Isaac that crush that Danny has is on you and Danny that crush that Isaac has is on you ... Your welcome"

I waited until after I got home to burst into tears, that was it, I knew how Derek felt and I'm never going to talk to any of them ever again. I laid there for an hour just thinking about how I can get rid of the pain that is my life. Then I thought of the perfect solution so I took my journal and wrote a goodbye to everyone that I loved and wrote that the world would be better without me in it. I closed the book and Got a belt from my wardrobe.

"This is it"

* * *

****

 

 

After 17 years of being me, I can't take it a second longer, my dad's not home so I'm alone and I'm not going to be here much longer. I start to tie my belt it to the metal bar my dad installed in my room in case I wanted to use it for exercise.

Knock, knock, "Stiles ... Stiles let me in" I heard, it was Derek's voice, he's at the window.

I quickly untied the belt and threw it on the floor and unlocked the window. "Hey what are you doing here?" I said, my heart still racing over what I was doing before he came.

"Just come to see if you were okay after that stunt that Scott and Isaac pulled" Derek said with that secret little smile.

"Yeah I'm fine, now can you just leave please" I said angrily because I told the pack no to speak to me again.

"Okay but you still have that book I lent you, are you done with it?" he said with a face that looked like he had just had a five pound fine.

"Yeah I'll get it", shit I have forgotten about the packs stuff at my house, I have Isaac's CDs, Lydia's mirror and more, we'll they can collect it when I'm gone.

"Here, now, please, go" I said wanting to get it over with.

"...um actually... There is a reason why I came to see you" Derek said almost choking on his words.

"Which is?" I said

"...um there's um ... a new .. Threat in town so I was sent here to protect you for the um night" Derek said nervously.

"What new threat?" I said curiously

"You're not pack anymore so I can't tell you, but ... Um... The pack still doesn't want to see you hurt so there will be a werewolf with you at all times until the threat is gone, ... Okay?".

"Um okay" I said. You know what this means I won't be able to do it tonight or any time soon until this threat is gone, SHIT!, they are going to make me live when I don't want to.

"I'm going to sleep, so you can sleep on the floor" I said getting him a pillow and blanket.

I turn the light off and get into bed. Why would they want to protect me? Why don't they do me and everyone else a favour and let the threat kill me. I was about to sleep when I felt a dip in the mattress and a warm body up against me. It was Derek.

"Is this okay?" He whispered putting his arm around me.

Almost too sleepy to answer I said "yeah", if a hot, sexy older werewolf that I happen to be in love with wants to cuddle me, I'm not going to argue.

The next morning I wake up and I'm boiling. Then I remembered that I had Sourwolf in my bed. He was hugging me. I was really hot but I really didn't want this moment to end so I laid there for another 10 minutes. I slid out of his arms and went into the bathroom to get ready for school. When I came back Derek was already up and dressed.

"I'm taking you to school today and the rest of the pack members have already sorted out who's going to be with you when" Derek said putting his second shoe on.

"Okay, but I think I would like to be alone after school" I said hoping he would let me.

"Sorry stiles but until the threat I'd gone someone will be with you at all time" Derek said.

"Fine" I said saying.

And he was right all throughout school a pack member was with me at all times and Derek was even there to pick me up from school.

"Are you hungry?" Derek said keeping his eyes on the road

"Yeah, you wanna grab a bite to eat?" I said hoping that if I grab a bite with him, he will leave me alone.

"Yeah, I know this really great place down town"

"Okay"

We didn't come back from the place until 10.00

"I think I'll get some sleep" I said hoping he would get the hint and go home.

"I'm your protector tonight and I need to get some sleep to" he said stretching his big muscles.

It was the same set up as last night, both of us in the bed with his arm around me.

"Stiles" Derek whispered

"Yeah" I whispered back.

"You know that you have loads of people that love you right?" He said

"Yeah I know" Lie, I know nobody could ever love me, I don't even like myself.

Derek spent the whole weekend with me, listening to music, playing video games, and talking, I wondered what about the rest of the pack, I thought there where all going to protect me not that I'm complaining, I love spending time with Derek. I think I'm more in love with him now than I ever was but its heart breaking because I know he doesn't feel the same and I've put my death off long enough, it was time to get things over with.

Monday after school he picked me up from school and we had dinner as usual. Derek was looking as hot as ever and me I could barely keep my eyes off him.

"I need some time alone so I was thinking I could sleep by myself tonight" I said, honestly I really didn't want to leave me alone, I never want to be apart from him again, when Derek is there everything is okay.

"Sorry Stiles but the threat is still not dealt with yet" he said looking angry

"Derek I don't care what you say, I'm going home alone" I said before storming off.

"I'm not leaving you on your own" Derek said following me

"What kind of threat is it anyway" I said angrily

"You don't need to know" he said almost shouting.

"Yes I do, now tell me".

"No"

"I'll leave unless you tell me"

Derek just stands there saying nothing

"TELL ME!"

"ITS YOU"

What does he mean, I'm no threat to anyone

"What are you on about me?" I said lowering my voice

"Don't play dumb, I read your journal on Thursday night while you were getting that book, I know what you were going to do and I couldn't let that happen so I made sure someone was with you the whole time" he said looking at the floor.

"So you made up a threat and spent the whole weekend with me so I wouldn't kill myself, why do you care anyway, we're not even friends" I said

"Stiles of course we are, we are pack, I'll never let any harm come to you"

"WHY DO YOU CARE, IF I LIVE OR DIE"

"Because I do"

"Why"

"BECAUSE I DO"

"WHY DO YO..." before I could finish the sentence I was cut off by a soft but rough pair of lips smashing against mine. I was kissing Derek Hale. I started to kiss back and he licked at my lips begging for entrance, I parted my lips and felt his tongue roaming around in my mouth, I pulled away confused about what just happened.

"That's why" Derek said with that secret smile on his face.

 

* * *

 

 

 

"We'll say something" Derek chocked out. I just stood there just wondering what just happened.

"Please say something" Derek said brushing his hand through his hair. He does that when he's nervous.

I'm not stupid, "BULLSHIT" I said loudly.

"What?" Derek said sounding surprised.

"Bullshit, I'm not stupid Derek, you've already admitted to me that you read my journal, so please just drop the act" I said heartbroken because I really wanted it to be true.

"Yeah so what's that got to do with me admitting that I like you" he said still acting clueless.

"In my journal that you read, it's said how I really feel about you, so you've known all this time that I've liked you since we met and now your trying to use that to make me not hurt myself" I said trying not to shout.

"You like me?" He said sounding surprised.

"Shut up, you know I do, just like I know you don't feel the same way your just saying that to make me happy" I said holding back the tears.

"Stiles I swear I'm not..."

"Just leave me alone" I said cutting him off and walking away.

He didn't follow me which I was happy about. I got home and grabbed the bottle of vodka that my father was saving and opened it. I saw my mother old medication in the cupboard, I remember my dad saying that I could die if I took any so I decided to grab those to. I hate my life. I hate my body, I hate my head and I ...well I just hate myself and I don't want to be here anymore. After staring at the medication for almost half an hour I opened them and took one with a swig of vodka. And then I did another, and another and another until the pot was empty.

I research a lot on the internet about overdosing and I know that it could take hours or even days until something happens. I went upstairs and thought about what I was going to do with my last few hours alive. After about 6hours of lying on the bed nothing happened but I knew that I could be lying there for days before anything happened. What should I do? I know what I wanted to do, I wanted to be with Derek even if he was lying I still loved him but I know that's not an option.

"What about If I ..."

Knock knock knock, the window went cutting me off.

"Who's there?" I said wanting whoever was there to go away.

"Stiles it's me Scott, let me in" scott shouted.

"No, leave me alone" of course I wasn't mad at Scott but the last persons face I wanted to see was Derek's so I didn't look at Scott.

"Dude it's about Derek, I know what happened and I'm here to tell you that your wrong dude, he really does like you" Scott shouted.

"No one could ever like me" I said quietly.

"What did you say?" Scott shouted.

"Nothing now go away" I shouted.

"No" Scott said while coming through the window, I should have locked it. "Are you okay?, your heart is a bit fast" he said sounding worried.

"Yeah fine I just haven't taking my ADHD meds yet" lie, I have but my heart racing means that the medication might be working.

"I know everything, about you wanting to kill yourself, about him lying saying there's a threat, about him liking you and about you liking him. Stiles Derek is in bits back at his house he won't see anyone, he likes you dude, like really likes you why don't you believe him?" He said.

"I don't believe him because it's not true now please just leave me alone" I said pointing at the window.

"No, I've figured out a way to show you the truth, here take this" he said handing me a pill.

"What's this?" I said not really interested.

"Deaton gave it to me, he said that it can give you werewolf hearing for about an hour, I know crazy right" he said raising his eyebrows. "Just take it"

I took it. "How can werewolf hearing show me that Derek is lying?" I said

"It will help you hear his heartbeat when you walk in the room, his heart goes mad when he sees you just like yours does when you see him" he said with his hands together.

"Fine let's get this over with" I said standing up, god did I feel dizzy, I almost fell against desk.

"Dude, are you sure you're okay?" He said holding me up.

"Yeah just feeling a little dizzy, I'm fine, let's go" I said pointing at the door.

On the way to Derek's house I could feel the pill stating to work I could hear Scott's heartbeat. I was feeling very dizzy and was really weak. We arrived.

"Right before we go in, can you hear my heartbeat?" Scott said turning into Derek's driveway.

"Yeah and I can hear Derek's as well, there are just beating normally" I said concentrating.

"Okay I'll go in first just to show you that his heart won't go faster when I go in and when you walk in listen again and then you'll know the truth" he said walking up to the porch.

"K" I couldn't handle any more than that, I was really weak and could barely hold myself up but before I went I had to know the truth. I listen to his heart and it was normal just like Scott said it would be. So then I walked in and when he saw me I listened and Scott was right his heart was beating so fast. He liked me.

"What are you doing here?" Derek said walking up to me.

"I can hear your heartbeat, you really do like me." I said, the room seemed to be spinning now. Derek hugged me.

"No I don't Stiles, I don't like you" he whispered in my ear, "I love you"

I could feel myself going but i had just enough energy to say "I love you too" and then I feel my head hit the floor and then darkness.

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Derek's POV**

It's funny how quickly the best day of your life can be ruined. One minute I was so happy, I was in the arms of the love of my life who loved me too, the future seemed so happy and the next my world came tumbling down.

Stiles fell to the ground

"STILES... STILES" I said kneeing by his side trying wake him. "Come on Stiles, come on baby, wake up, wake up, WAKE UP" I said with tears bursting from my eyes.

I looked at Scott, he was already on the phone to get an ambulance. "JUST HURRY PLEASE" Scott screamed "they won't be here for 15 minutes"

Anything could happen in 15 minutes, I brushed my hand through his hair and listened to his pulse, it is so weak. "No, I'm not going to let him die... We have got to take him ourselves" I said picking him up.

"Okay I'll get the car" Scott said running to the door.

"No, we're werewolf's, we'll be faster by foot, I'll take him, meet us at the hospital" I said.

I started running, faster than I ever had before. I don't care if people can see, I'm not letting stiles, my stiles die. I got to the hospital in minutes.

"PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME" I screamed "PLEASE save him" I said helping the doctors and nurses put him on a bed.

"I'm sorry, you're going to have to wait out here, we will do what we can .." I couldn't hear her any more, the sound of his words fill me head, "I love you too". I fell to my knees and put my head in my hands, it's my fault.

I was pulled on to a set by Scott, he was talking, going on and on about how he's going to be okay. I saw stiles dad run down the hall in a terrible panic. "What happened?" He said trying to catch his breath

"He...He tried to" I couldn't carry on, I couldn't say the words.

"He tried to kill himself" Scott said crying along with me and Stiles dad.

"It's my fault" I said sitting back down.

"No it's not Derek, nobody knew that Stiles would do something like this" Scott said trying to confute me.

"He thought no would miss him, no one loved him, I should have told him sooner" my body feels weak and I can barely keep myself up.

"Told him what" Stiles dad said.

"That I love him, I love him so much" I said again putting my head in my hands.

"Stiles knows that you love him, and you know that he loves you to" Scott said. "Now we have just got to wait and hope for the best".

"You love my son?" stiles dad said

"Yes, so much I ..." I was cut off by a stiles dad's arms hugging me.

"He'll get through this" he said still hugging me.

"I know he will, I'll make sure of it" I said, I didn't need to say the words because they both now what I meant when I said that, If i have to, I'll turn him, I'll turn him into a werewolf.

The whole pack was at the hospital just waiting for news about stiles and after hours of waiting and crying a nurse came and talked to us.

"We have made him stable but he's no out of the woods, that's the problem with this kind of overdose, we can't tell how much damage it has done. I would prepare yourselves for the worst, I'm so very sorry" she said waking off.

"Can we see him?" I asked not even thinking about it.

"Yes but I'm afraid it's family only" she said with an apologetic look.

"He is family" stiles dad says. "I approve" he whispered into my ear.

She led me down the hall and into a room, as soon as I saw stiles my heart stopped. Seeing him lying there, hooked up to all those machines, it's heart-breaking. I sit by his side and put my hand in his.

"Hey stiles... I've um missed you, it's weird you're not saying anything, usually you don't shut up. Please I would give anything for you to just talk my ear off like you always do." Tears start rolling down my cheeks. "Please wake up stiles, please, you have a lot of people who love you and miss you and I don't ... I don't think I could... Carry on without you. I don't care if you remember this, I will gladly live the rest of my life with you teasing me about what I'm saying if you just wake up, please stiles please just wake up."

"I'm sorry but visiting hours or over, your gonna have to leave" the nurse said.

"Okay, can I just have one more minute" I said practley begging her.

"Yes, of course" she said leaving.

"I won't let you leave me stiles, I would prefer you to wake up and be human but if I have to I will turn you, I won't let you get away from me that easily" I kissed his fore head and heading for the door. "I love you so much".

I walk out to find the whole pack opening their arms to hug me, I let them.

"Derek wake up, Derek" Allison said. Wait was this a dream, please say this was a dream. "The nurse has some news" well a man can wish can't he.

"I'm very sorry to say this but the tablets that stiles consumed, damage his kidneys and his liver too much, I'm afraid he past away a few minutes ago" I froze, no he can't be gone, I was just speaking to him, no no no.

I couldn't move, everyone was looking at me, he can't be gone, I need to change him, I can't, I can't change him, he's dead.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no" I said falling to my knees. "NOOOOOO" I screamed. The whole pack hugged me again, everyone crying. I don't want their hugs I want stiles.

I need stiles.

* * *

 

 

 

**Still Derek's POV**

How comes everyone in my life get hurt. My parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, my old pack, Stiles. How long will it be until there's no one left. It's my fault that stiles is dead.

"Derek, please tell me you can still change him" Isaac said while crying.

"Derek please say something" Lydia said desperately.

"Derek please say you can do something... Please don't let him die... Say something" the whole pack were talking over each other.

I found myself walking down the hall to stiles room; I have to see him, ignoring what everyone is saying I increase my pace down the hall until I'm running. I need him. I find myself sitting next to him, holding his hand. His eyes are closed; I'm never going to see his big brown eyes again. I'm never going to see his sparkling smile again.

"Derek" Scott said as everyone piles into the room.

"I have to do it" I said with tears bursting from my eyes.

"Derek you can't, you know what will happen" Scott said, still crying.

"Yeah, but I don't care, I have to do it" I said hugging him.

"Do what?" Danny asked holding Isaac's hand.

"You know that thing we can do, where we can take the pain from somebody for ourselves, like when you broke your leg and Isaac transferred your pain to him, so he felt that pain and you didn't" I said still not taking my eyes of Stiles.

"Yeah, what about it" Danny said looking confused.

"Well the Alpha can do that but he can also do it with lives, do you understand what I'm going to do now" I said.

"Derek are you telling me that you're going to transfer Stiles liver and kidney problems to you, but doesn't that mean you will die" Stiles dad said still looking confused.

"Yeah it does… but if it saves Stiles, I'll do anything" I said letting go of stiles hand. "But I need everyone's help, please".

"Dude, you're asking us to kill you, you know that right?" Jackson pointed out.

"I know but as you're Alpha I'm asking this as a last request, will you help me save stiles please" I said looking at my pack.

Everyone nodded. I told everyone to surround Stiles bed and one by one I hugged them and said goodbye.

"We'll miss you" everyone said.

"I'll miss you too, I love you lot remember that, and please tell Stiles that I love him when he wakes up" again everyone nodded. I kissed Stiles on the fore head for the last time and joined the circle. Everyone joined hands.

"Now for this to work, I need everyone to think about their favourite memory of Stiles" I said. My favourite memory of Stiles the first time I set eyes on him. We were in the woods when he and Scott were looking for Scott's inhaler and I turned into a babbling idiot because he made me nervous. No one had ever made me that nervous before, I knew I loved him from the first time I looked in his eyes.

I can feel it, I'm so sleepy, but I'm happy, he's going to live on and he's going to have people who love him. I love him.

Everything goes black.

**Stiles POV**

The last thing I remember is telling Derek that I loved him. I'm in a hospital but I don't feel pain. Scott was at the door.

"What happened?" I asked him, he has been crying.

"You overdosed, you idiot" he said hugging me. The rest of the pack starting flooding into the room and my dad, I got a hug off everyone even Jackson. But there was someone missing.

"Where's Derek?" I asked. Lydia burst into tears and everyone was looking at the floor, something's wrong.

"Can we have some privacy please guys?" My dad asked, no one said anything they all just left.

"I don't really know how to say this but, you ...died and well Derek didn't want you to you know ... Die so he, well he...took your place, I'm sorry I'm so sorry" he said hugging me.

Derek's dead, no he can't be, no. I burst into tears.

Derek's gone.

* * *

 

 

 

The next few hours were filled with tears and no talking, I was allowed to go home because there isn't anything wrong with me any more, luckily Scott's mother change my record so I didn't die but I still feel dead, I feel empty, like Derek has took my heart with him.

"I know you don't want to hear this right know but Derek's body is at his house, the pack is going to bury it secretly because of him being a werewolf" dad said. I just feel numb.

"Can I see him?" I said looking at the floor.

"Yeah, I'll take you now" he said knowing that it's pointless to argue with me.

There he is. Lying there. Still, not moving. I brush my hair through his hair and kiss his fore head.

"Stiles I'm so glad you're here, we have great news, he's healing, we can feel it, his liver and kidneys are he..." I didn't listen to the rest, I was too happy to move or listen.

"He's going to live" I manage to choke out.

"YES"

I feel to my knees, I'm so relieved, I love him and he's alive.

I didn't leave his side for the next few days; I want to be there when he wakes up. Derek's coming back, the man that sacrificed himself to save me, the man that loves me, the man who I am madly in love with.

"Stiles" a familiar voice said, it's Derek

"Derek" I said looking at him, his eyes are open and he sits up. He had that smile, that little smile that I have badly missed.

The whole pack was there at the time and everyone just violently hugged him, including me. It turned into a puppy pile, luckily he has healed.

Suddenly everyone started walking out of the house until there was just me and Derek, did he just order them to do that? He pulled me in and kissed me softly and I kissed back. The kiss was like fireworks and the sparks that I felt between us were magical. We both pulled away.

"Don't ever do that again, I can't live without you" he said with tears dropping from his eyes, I've never seen him cry before.

"I won't, as long as you never run away again" I said, shit now I'm crying.

He pulled me in for another kiss that was just as magical as the last.

"I love you" I said, still crying.

"I love you too" he said pulling me in for a hug.

**"You are good enough, you're perfect to me"**


End file.
